THE ART OF DEEP POINT OF VIEW

found on etsy.com

Through my critique group I’ve been learning the art of deep point of view. For those that don’t know, this is when you remove the words that distance the reader from the scene. Deep point of view lets the reader view everything around them through the eyes and thoughts of one character. You BECOME the person you’re reading about. Therefore, every smell, every emotion, every sight they see, is heightened for the reader, making for a fulfilling journey through the story.

Here is a passage through my own work in progress, Tidal Falls, before edits:

“Hey, Annie, it’s me. How’s my baby girl doing?”
“Oh she’s great, I haven’t seen the two of them all morning. They’re in the back room painting, hopefully not the walls!” She laughed.
Sara smiled at the thought of Annie going back to a room painted all the colors of a rainbow. Jessica had just started mixing paints to see what new and exotic color she could come up with, poor Annie.

Not bad, but I think I can make it better.

“Hey, Annie, it’s me. How’s my baby girl doing?”
“Oh, she’s great. I haven’t seen the two of them all morning. They’re in the back room painting up a storm, hopefully not on my walls!” She laughed
A picture of her friend going back to a room painted all the colors of a rainbow sprung to mind and a shit-eating grin spread across her face. Poor Annie.

Tighter, cleaner, better. What do you think?