When you’re young and in love, it can seem as though nothing can ever come between you.
He’s perfect (even though you don’t really like that annoying habit he has of leaving the toilet seat up, or his shoes in front of the door) and you can’t wait to start your life together; buy a house, raise a family.
But then, little by little, reality sets in and you realize, hey, this marriage stuff takes a lot of work. The kids need taken care of, meals need cooked, the house needs cleaned, shoot, even the pets need attention.
What happened to the little bubble of romance?
It seems to have floated out the door.
How could this happen?
We had a plan.
It’s about this time, when the overwhelming pressure of day-to-day living implodes a relationship, that many marriages crash and burn.
From the Government of Canada website:
- National Picture — Fluctuating between 35% and 42%, the proportion of marriages projected to end in divorce has remained relatively stable during the last 20 years. In 2008, 40.7% of marriages were projected to end in divorce before the thirtieth wedding anniversary.
- Age and Gender — In 2008, the average age at divorce was 44.5 for men and 41.9 for women.
- Regions — In 2008, Yukon had the highest proportion (59.7%) of marriages projected to end in divorce before the thirtieth wedding anniversary, while Newfoundland and Labrador had the lowest (25.0%).
What can we do as couples to change the tide?
- Listen to each other- It’s too easy to block the anger and dissatisfaction. We need to learn to open our minds to our loved one’s feelings and seek a solution together.
- Take time out of your schedule for you- not each other, for you. If you can’t wind down because you’re always ‘on call’ it’s bound to breed disharmony.
- Date night- this is where you can increase harmony and intimacy with your spouse. Raising a family is hard, don’t forget to reward yourself now and then with a nice night out.
- Learn to walk away- This one’s big! Fights happen, it’s inevitable. You need to learn to step back and reassess the argument. Often you’ll see things in a new light and realize it wasn’t worth all that anxiety.
- Sleep in the buff- I learned this one from Doctor Oz! It’s good for your health and the skin to skin contact with your spouse creates an intimacy and closeness that will carry you through the day.
Marriage is about spending your life with the one person you can count on to be there, no matter what. Your best friend. Your lover. Your everything.
Forever and ever.
My new novella, Summer Lovin’, is about two lovers who learn this lesson:
Mitch Taylor and Rebecca Sorenson share a secret.
Rebecca’s job as secretary of Cascade Elementary, the same school she attended as a child, is rewarding. She has a great group of friends, many of whom are married now. And if sometimes she wished it were her up there in that sparkling white dress…
Except, wait—she did get to wear bridal white. Granted, it was a slinky party dress and the justice of the peace was Elvis in a gold lame jacket, but still, the deed was done.
She’d tied the knot.
Mitch Taylor doesn’t do regrets. It would be a waste of energy bemoaning the mistakes he’d made in his life. The end of his promising football career taught him nothing in life was a guarantee.
What were the chances two people from the same po-dunk town in Washington would end up together in a nightclub in Las Vegas? A few too many drinks later, a hasty ceremony performed by the king of rock ‘n’ roll, and they’d been hitched. The night that followed lived on in his dreams, but when he’d woken the next morning she was gone.
Can these two mismatched lovers find a way past their mistakes, or will they keep their lonely hearts forever guarded?
Available now in the Summer Heat: Love on Fire box set